Lilith II

Why am I the one who has to be brave?
To endlessly place one foot, firmly in front of the other
Banished to the rocky outcrops
Alone, fragile, mourning, hating
Surviving on wits,
Thriving on the pickings like carrion birds
Scavenging over long dead morsels
Feeling no honour as I steal in the night
Mourning a life that was never provided
Forlorn in the hope of vindication.

I can only be me.

Should I blame you for not loving me
And abandoning me at a time of contempt?
Or should I blame myself for not fighting harder
Wearing the shame and hatred as my banner
For the rest of the planet to see.
Woman wounded, victim or instigator,
The whore to the mother.
The bully to the scapegoat,
The story changes with time and heartbeat,
The narrative wanders over the world.

I can only be me.

The woman you fear as she bleeds
The woman you hate as she stands against you
The woman you try to suppress with your slaps
Your words and your silence.

I can only be me.

Placing one foot in front of the other
Stoic, mourning, willful.
And brave.

The Little Star

Looking out, looking back in time,

Before the wrinkles, the grey hairs, the bills,

The too wet/too dry/too hot/too cold

Of the weatherman’s drone,

Back before the humdrum was ordinary

And the ordinary was unwanted

And life was measured between pints of beer

Scoreless draws and delayed trains.

We go back further, looking skyward,

Back to the essays and endless conversations

Of Jude the Obscure and Robespierre

And how the Proletariat will never win

And how Thatcher stole milk

And how scraped knees and hopscotch were far more

Important than the nightly news.

Back to the time of short pants, Sunday best,

Weekend roasts with grandma, cloth nappies

Hand knits, bowl cuts and standing quietly

Never saying a word. Adored, held, safe, secure, sleep.

Then gasp, BANG! Heartbeats. Then Silence.

The little star, out there, somewhere,

Looks forward towards time, towards you.

Seeing the potential as it searches the universe for signs

A light that you may or may not see.

You both scan the dark, where your gazes

Will meet, somewhere in the middle of time.